August 20th Revisited
Thank you, Kevin and Stacie, for your wonderful, indepth comments on this challenging lesson on the original post for this date. I promised I would say more, but I really wanted to hear from you first. The two of you amaze me with the way you dig beneath the surface to mine the jewels from Chamber's writings. And I absolutely love how you wisely refer back to scripture as the authority for your final conclusions. Thank you for doing exactly what I hoped you would do...reveal the complexity of the message that he meant for us to learn. (I commented more specifically on what you wrote in the comment section of the original 8/20 post.)
The reason that I wanted you to do that first, is that I was too excited by a new train of thought to do justice to the important ideas that the two of you explored. As I was reading this lesson, I was thinking, "Oswald, this is easy for you to say, but not for us to do!" He was writing as though it was an attainable goal to be able to constantly dispell "that which is making the dis-peace" . Then it occured to me, he must have learned how to do this!! And if he could, being 100% human just like us, then we can, too! Can you imagine living the rest of your life where words like "anxiety," "irritation," "worry," "anger," or "devastation" are just vocabulary words, not descriptions of your state of mind?
You will find as we read "My Utmost" that there is an overall theme of giving up your rights to God. I have tried to live like that and have learned that when I am in that place, I cannot be hurt there. And I have gone from being able to live there for minutes at a time to days at a time, which causes a dramatic increase in the peace factor. But this is the first time it has actually seemed possible to me that it could be possible to live so free of self-pity and self-consciousness that I could live there ALL the time!!
It occured to me that it's really all a matter of trust. When horrible things happen, we narrow our eyes, cross our arms, and stare at God, wondering if He really is trustworthy if He could allow this kind of pain. For the first time, I have asked myself....what IS the true source of that pain. For all of my 50 years, the answer has been - from the painful situation. But that is not true! It is really from MY RESPONSE to that situation! Think about it, do you feel the same kind of pain from reading the obituaries as you do from hearing that a family member or friend has died? Why not? After all, in both cases someone has died. The difference is that you lose nothing when a stranger dies, but you lose emotional support when someone you care about dies. The bottom line is that it is self-pity (or sometimes empathy with someone else's grief as it relates to the self-pity you would feel if it were your grief) that causes our pain. Every scenario that I can think of comes back to this starting point - my response.
As I was contemplating this amazing line of thinking, a powerful example came to my mind. It was as though God chose this moment to reveal to me for the first time why something devastating in my past had to occur. In January 2001, our church made a new policy that made it impossible for me to continue going as a counsellor on trips with the youth. I was totally heart-broken!! Never before had I wept with such trembling sobs or felt so betrayed. Yet, because I had learned to try to give all my rights to God, I continued to go to church with a smile and tried to only let God see my devastation. (However, I wasn't able to hide my pain from family or close friends, unfortunately.)
As I contemplated the August 20th lesson it occured to me that Jerald became Governor's School Director in the summer of 2001, and if I had continued to be as involved with the youth group as I had been before, I would never have been able to be a part of GSH, and I would never have gotten to develop a relationship with you or the other Governor's School people. I audibly gasped when I had that thought, because it has been so worth all of that pain to be able to have the joy that all of you have brought! I cannot imagine you not being a part of my life!!
Now back to my original response. If I had truly trusted God even with something I held as emotionally close as the youth from my church, there would have been no devastation. The moment I felt the "dis-peace," I would have "Come to Jesus" looking with anticipation to what God was going to do next instead of assailing Him with wails of complaint of why He had allowed this thing. In reality, all my angst was not caused by other people's decisions, but only by me! By wallowing in self-pity over what I had lost, I failed to trust God to show me what I might gain.
Yes, I realize it is not going to be easy to learn to live in a totally Christ-conscience mode. My self-pity response is too deeply established. But after glimpsing this idea of perpetual peace, you can be sure I'm am going to strive to attain this goal.
Dear Jesus, thank you for providing this path to "Peace that passes all understanding." All my life I have heard Philippians 4:4-9, but never has it meant as much to me as now. Let us learn to rejoice in You always,...to not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present our requests to God. Please guard our hearts and our minds as we train ourselves to think on whatever is true... noble... right... pure... lovely... admirable... excellent or praiseworthy. Help us to truly believe that You, the God of Peace, will be with us!!
The reason that I wanted you to do that first, is that I was too excited by a new train of thought to do justice to the important ideas that the two of you explored. As I was reading this lesson, I was thinking, "Oswald, this is easy for you to say, but not for us to do!" He was writing as though it was an attainable goal to be able to constantly dispell "that which is making the dis-peace" . Then it occured to me, he must have learned how to do this!! And if he could, being 100% human just like us, then we can, too! Can you imagine living the rest of your life where words like "anxiety," "irritation," "worry," "anger," or "devastation" are just vocabulary words, not descriptions of your state of mind?
You will find as we read "My Utmost" that there is an overall theme of giving up your rights to God. I have tried to live like that and have learned that when I am in that place, I cannot be hurt there. And I have gone from being able to live there for minutes at a time to days at a time, which causes a dramatic increase in the peace factor. But this is the first time it has actually seemed possible to me that it could be possible to live so free of self-pity and self-consciousness that I could live there ALL the time!!
It occured to me that it's really all a matter of trust. When horrible things happen, we narrow our eyes, cross our arms, and stare at God, wondering if He really is trustworthy if He could allow this kind of pain. For the first time, I have asked myself....what IS the true source of that pain. For all of my 50 years, the answer has been - from the painful situation. But that is not true! It is really from MY RESPONSE to that situation! Think about it, do you feel the same kind of pain from reading the obituaries as you do from hearing that a family member or friend has died? Why not? After all, in both cases someone has died. The difference is that you lose nothing when a stranger dies, but you lose emotional support when someone you care about dies. The bottom line is that it is self-pity (or sometimes empathy with someone else's grief as it relates to the self-pity you would feel if it were your grief) that causes our pain. Every scenario that I can think of comes back to this starting point - my response.
As I was contemplating this amazing line of thinking, a powerful example came to my mind. It was as though God chose this moment to reveal to me for the first time why something devastating in my past had to occur. In January 2001, our church made a new policy that made it impossible for me to continue going as a counsellor on trips with the youth. I was totally heart-broken!! Never before had I wept with such trembling sobs or felt so betrayed. Yet, because I had learned to try to give all my rights to God, I continued to go to church with a smile and tried to only let God see my devastation. (However, I wasn't able to hide my pain from family or close friends, unfortunately.)
As I contemplated the August 20th lesson it occured to me that Jerald became Governor's School Director in the summer of 2001, and if I had continued to be as involved with the youth group as I had been before, I would never have been able to be a part of GSH, and I would never have gotten to develop a relationship with you or the other Governor's School people. I audibly gasped when I had that thought, because it has been so worth all of that pain to be able to have the joy that all of you have brought! I cannot imagine you not being a part of my life!!
Now back to my original response. If I had truly trusted God even with something I held as emotionally close as the youth from my church, there would have been no devastation. The moment I felt the "dis-peace," I would have "Come to Jesus" looking with anticipation to what God was going to do next instead of assailing Him with wails of complaint of why He had allowed this thing. In reality, all my angst was not caused by other people's decisions, but only by me! By wallowing in self-pity over what I had lost, I failed to trust God to show me what I might gain.
Yes, I realize it is not going to be easy to learn to live in a totally Christ-conscience mode. My self-pity response is too deeply established. But after glimpsing this idea of perpetual peace, you can be sure I'm am going to strive to attain this goal.
Dear Jesus, thank you for providing this path to "Peace that passes all understanding." All my life I have heard Philippians 4:4-9, but never has it meant as much to me as now. Let us learn to rejoice in You always,...to not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present our requests to God. Please guard our hearts and our minds as we train ourselves to think on whatever is true... noble... right... pure... lovely... admirable... excellent or praiseworthy. Help us to truly believe that You, the God of Peace, will be with us!!
posted by Jane at 3:13 AM
1 Comments:
Hmmm. The tragedy of a senior mind! I had forgotten that we had that discussion about the connection between the church's policy and my being at GSH. Although I must have already been mulling over the situation,I guess the implication of all I would have lost didn't hit me fully until read the August 20th lesson.
You know what that means, don't you. That God must have to kick me in the head several times to get my attention. Oh my, I'm going to have to be more sensitive to what He is trying to teach me.
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